I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
