in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize