Dignity is for republicans.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize