this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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