Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
