Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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