I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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