Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
