how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
