Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
