11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
