id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
