Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
