For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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