ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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