i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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