Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
