Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
