Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
