Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
