this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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