Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize