When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
