I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I love you. Go after that dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
