Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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