i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
