the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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