would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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