I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
