News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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