So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is my gift to your gina
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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