woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
