First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
