On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
