We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
