I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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