i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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