Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
