these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
