if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
