saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
