In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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