she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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