McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
