Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
