i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
