We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you never un-have a 4some
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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