Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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