please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
