If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
