I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
