is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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