you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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