I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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