Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize