sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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