i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
