I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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