If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She said her name was "party"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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