Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
