I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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