She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
