when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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