And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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