$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize